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The horse-sized duck lives here, along with everything else that's too stupid to belong anywhere else. These aren't moral dilemmas — they're setups, and the laugh comes from watching someone defend their answer seriously.
Best played out loud with people who will commit to a position. The worse the option, the better the argument.
fight one horse-sized duck or fight a hundred duck-sized horses?
only whisper for a year or only shout for a year?
have spaghetti for fingers or sweat maple syrup every time you laugh?
have your thoughts narrated aloud or have subtitles under your face?
sneeze glitter or cry jam?
always enter a room by sliding in or always leave by rolling out?
have a theme song that plays when you're nervous or a laugh track for your mistakes?
wear clown shoes for a year or a clown nose for life?
be chased daily by a slow goose or be honked at by a fast one?
speak only in questions or only in rhymes?
have your inner monologue read by a football commentator or by a nature documentary narrator?
wear a suit to the beach or swimwear to an interview?
have hiccups during every serious moment or yawn during every compliment?
trip once a day in public or drop your phone once a day?
have a name nobody can pronounce or a name everybody has?
sing everything for an hour or mime everything for a day?
be chased by one slow goose forever or honked at by a fast one daily?
have a permanently untucked shirt or permanently squeaky shoes?
argue with a toddler or negotiate with a cat?
get stuck in a revolving door once a month or in an automatic door once a week?
always answer the phone with the wrong name or always wave at someone waving past you?
have your autocorrect make you sound posh or make you sound twelve?
laugh at the worst moment or cry at the funniest one?
be haunted by a friendly but noisy ghost or by a tidy but judgemental one?
wear shoes that are slightly too big or trousers that are slightly too short?
have every meal photographed by a stranger or every conversation applauded?
be followed by a tiny marching band or by a very dramatic wind?
say 'you too' to a waiter forever or wave back at nobody forever?
have a pet that judges you or a mirror that gossips?
be unable to whisper or unable to shout?
have a permanent cowlick or one permanently raised eyebrow?
be unable to say no or unable to say yes without a speech?
get a paper cut daily or bite your tongue weekly?
have your phone ring at full volume in every quiet room or vibrate loudly in every pocket?
have a sneeze that sounds like a car alarm or a laugh that sounds like a duck?
always be slightly damp or always be slightly dusty?
be followed by a spotlight or by dramatic music?
have to announce your arrival everywhere or bow when leaving every room?
wear a helmet at all times or carry a ladder at all times?
have hands that are always cold or feet that are always warm?
be unable to sit down without sighing or unable to stand without a grunt?
have every photo of you blink or every video of you buffer?
call every teacher 'mum' once or call your boss 'dad' twice?
have your keys jingle like sleigh bells or your shoes click like tap shoes?
only be able to walk in rhythm or only be able to talk in a whisper-shout?
have a pigeon that follows you to work or a squirrel that judges your lunch?
wear yesterday's socks or yesterday's hairstyle?
be unable to open packaging or unable to fold a fitted sheet?
always sit on a warm chair someone just left or always be the one who warms it?
have to high-five everyone you meet or bow to everyone you pass?
be haunted by a ghost who reorganises your fridge or one who alphabetises your books?
have every drink slightly too hot or every meal slightly too cold?
permanently have one shoelace undone or one shirt button missing?
be unable to remember names or unable to forget embarrassing moments?
laugh at your own jokes first or never laugh at anyone else's?
get hiccups during every photo or sneeze during every handshake?
have a car that only plays one song or a house where one light always flickers?
be slightly late to everything by exactly four minutes or early by forty?
have your stomach rumble in every silence or your chair squeak in every meeting?
wear a sign that says what you're thinking or have a delay before you can speak?
be stuck describing every film badly or unable to explain any joke?
have an enemy who is a seagull or a rival who is a toddler?
get the wrong order every time and it's better or the right order every time and it's fine?
have a haircut that never grows out or one that grows overnight?
always pick the slowest queue or always pick the wrong door to push?
be the person who claps when the plane lands or the one who tuts at them?
have a signature nobody can read or a laugh nobody can ignore?
only be able to nod for a day or only shake your head?
have a wardrobe of identical outfits or a new outfit daily you can't choose?
get stage fright in front of two people or total confidence in front of two thousand?
have a pet that steals or one that tells on you?
be unable to wink or unable to whistle and always try?
get an itch you can't reach daily or a song stuck in your head weekly?
have every pen you own run out or every charger be slightly too short?
be known for one very bad dance move or one very odd catchphrase?
have a doorbell that plays your worst song or a phone that rings in your own voice?
always be asked for directions or never be recognised by anyone you know?
have your handwriting analysed publicly or your search history summarised politely?
sneeze exactly eleven times or none or yawn contagiously across a whole room?
be unable to carry more than one thing or unable to put anything down?
have a rival who is better than you at everything and lovely or worse and unbearable?
get the giggles at funerals or cry at adverts?
have a fringe that fights you or glasses that always slip?
be the loudest typer in the office or the slowest walker in the corridor?
have every group photo cut you in half or every selfie catch you mid-blink?
say 'anyway' forty times a day or say 'so' at the start of every sentence?
have a shopping trolley with one bad wheel forever or a chair that spins slowly on its own?
be followed by the smell of toast or by the sound of distant bagpipes?
have a phone that autocorrects to food words or one that capitalises Random Words?
be the family member who always drives or the one who always falls asleep?
have a hobby that embarrasses your children or one that bores everyone else?
always walk into spider webs or always find the one wet patch?
be unable to guess anyone's age or unable to estimate any distance?
have a nemesis who is a printer or a nemesis who is a self-checkout?
wave at someone who wasn't waving at you daily or be waved at and not notice?
have a voice that sounds like your mother's on the phone or your father's in person?
be the last to get every joke or the first to laugh at the wrong part?
have a suitcase that never zips or a coat with one broken pocket?
be described as 'nice' forever or 'interesting' forever?
get a nickname you hate that sticks or no nickname and mild sadness?
One horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses. It's near the top and it has never stopped working.
Most are, but the Kids deck is written specifically for them.
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